This journal was began when I was in college and it documents the experimental phase of my life, as well as the wonderful, thrilling and frequently agonizing college boyfriend that I had. It also depicts my struggle with bipolar, the highs and lows and the process of coming to terms with this condition. At this point in time in my life I mostly blogged on xanga, since I wanted to start fresh after meeting my husband and moving to Silver Spring, Maryland. If any of the people reading this blog wish to check that one out, my username there is lovewithstars (thanks to Ms. Julai for the inspiration.) I felt in some ways like a completely new person, and yet this old one remains, hidden there underneath (sometimes deeply hidden and sometimes quite close to the surface.)
I now have 3 of the desired 4 children. I have gray hair, not just one or two, but quite a lot. I have to dye it. I have wrinkles now, crow's feet starting at my eyes and laugh lines around my mouth. I gained quite a lot of weight with my last baby (up to 180 lbs) and I am slowly taking it off (finally down to 130 now.) I am resigned to the fact that I will never again be a size 0.
This is a blog where I am honest with myself. I might not be honest with everybody else but I need a place to just be honest with myself and let it out. This is that place. Thank you for listening, you imaginary audience. Thank you.